Stupid, stupid me!

So against the advice of everyone I've told about this, I decided to take a prenancy test last night. (When I talked to Michelle, Dr. Trolice's nurse she said to wait until either Sunday or Monday.) Chad went in the bathroom with me and I was so nervous after I peed on the stick that I dropped the test in the toilet. I started crying and Chad fished it out for me. It was negative but Chad offered to go to Publix and get another one for me. This time I played it safe and peed in a cup and dipped it in. The result was the same. I had promised Chad that if it was negative I wouldn't be disappointed or upset and I tried to remain positive the rest of the night. Since this back pain started I haven't been able to sleep well and I get up around 2:30 in the morning and can't fall back asleep. I'm hot one minute and freezing the next and no matter which side I lay on I can't get comfortable. Every time I go to the bathroom I pray I see no blood and so far I haven't. I really wish I could say I feel pregnant, but I don't know how that feels or what to compare it to. Each of my friends says different things about how they found out, most of which is "they just knew". I can't do that or I'll just be setting myself up for disappointment. Working on my brother and Ty's cross stitch blanket is helping me focus on something other than not getting my period. At work it's definitely easier than at home. Today I actually let myself research baby names and I even wrote a few down I like. I need to stop doing that though.

I Ovulated (and on my own) !!

I tossed and turned all night thinking about my blood test this morning. I got up early, ate an English muffin and was there right on time. I was a little nervous because I had to be in the Winter Park office by 8:30 to open and Dr. Trolice always runs late. I got in about 8:05. The nurse was very sweet and said I'd have the results this afternoon. I thought about it all day. I did a Google search on backaches when I got back to the office and everything I read said it was an early pregnancy symptom. Great, just what I needed to hear! About 3:30 I called Dr. Trolice's office to get the results. Just then Chuck and a customer walked in so I couldn't really talk. The nurse told me I'd ovulated! I almost fell off my chair. I've never ovulated before. She asked me if anything had changed recently and I told her I've lost weight and I take Metformin. She said even a little weight loss will fix fertility problems. How encouraging!! I couldn't really ask "what next" but she said either I'm pregnant or I'm getting ready to start. I can take a home pregnancy test by the end of this week if I want to. But I feel like I'm going to start my period. I have cramps and my back is still killing me. Can it really be that God wants me to be a Mom again so soon after traveling this infertility road?? It's so hard to think positive and pray and hope I'm pregnant, only to start my period and be disappointed again. I feel like screaming to the world my news, and yet we are keeping this from family for awhile.

Chad's Test

Good news and bad news. He has PLENTY of sperm, it's just the shapes that are a little weird. Dr. Trolice recommended that he take folic acid and Vitamin D, which he already does but also a multivitamin, which he doesn't. This news isn't any different than we heard 2 years ago, but nonetheless, it makes it much more apparent to me that it isn't going to get any better with age. I still haven't gotten my period which is disappointing since I've had 2 in 2 months, but I scheduled an appointment for Monday morning to have blood work done. I guess what they are looking for is to see if I've ovulated (I don't understand why they keep testing me for this if I don't). If I haven't, Dr. Trolice will put me on Provera to start my period. Then Clomid? Not sure. I'm still working on my diet and I feel like I've lost some more weight this week. No matter what happens, I still need to remain focused on this. My health is of the essence if I want to get pregnant and stay pregnant. My cholesterol is still high and if I got pregnant now, my doctor said I'd need insulin which is NOT GOOD. Chad and I close on the house tomorrow morning and then are taking the rest of the day off, so maybe I'll be a little less stressed out. I continue to pray that God wants us to add another child to our family.

Where Do I Begin?

I'm 30 years old, I have PCOS and all of it's wonderful symptoms. I'm overweight, hairy, I have diabetes and I can't ovulate on my own. Sounds shitty, right? It is! I've had numerous tests done including endometrial biopsies and HSG's. Everything comes back okay. I've tried Clomid years ago and gave up on that. I'd all but given up on the idea of conceiving until a few weeks ago when my Mom brought up the fact that she'd like more grandchildren and Chad said he'd like to start trying again. So we talked it over about trying one last time. He still thinks deep down inside that we have a shot at this, and who am I to crush his dreams. So we made a trip back to Dr. Trolice together on Sept 9th. I was very nervous about the appointment because in previous visits all I'd ever heard was that I needed to lose weight first. Who wants to be told that? Dr. Trolice was impressed that I had lost weight and had had 2 periods ( in July and August). He recommended a few things. One, that I start taking prenatal vitamins, two, that Chad comes in for a semen analysis and finally he wants to see my bloodwork from Dr. Smolen's office. He ordered bloodwork for me to do on cycle day 21-24 to see if I've ovulated. Well, that answer was a no-brainer, still a little disappointing. Today I dropped off the results of the bloodwork Dr. Smolen had ordered a few days ago. What he wanted to see was an A1C of less than 6.5 (mine was 6.3) and a fasting glucose of 90-100 (mine was 99). It feels like I will start my period soon and I'm praying I do. If I do start, I need to call his office on day 1 or 2 to schedule an ultrasound. It's been so long since I've had one done, I'm not sure what he looks for, but I'll probably start Clomid again.