Stupid, stupid me!

So against the advice of everyone I've told about this, I decided to take a prenancy test last night. (When I talked to Michelle, Dr. Trolice's nurse she said to wait until either Sunday or Monday.) Chad went in the bathroom with me and I was so nervous after I peed on the stick that I dropped the test in the toilet. I started crying and Chad fished it out for me. It was negative but Chad offered to go to Publix and get another one for me. This time I played it safe and peed in a cup and dipped it in. The result was the same. I had promised Chad that if it was negative I wouldn't be disappointed or upset and I tried to remain positive the rest of the night. Since this back pain started I haven't been able to sleep well and I get up around 2:30 in the morning and can't fall back asleep. I'm hot one minute and freezing the next and no matter which side I lay on I can't get comfortable. Every time I go to the bathroom I pray I see no blood and so far I haven't. I really wish I could say I feel pregnant, but I don't know how that feels or what to compare it to. Each of my friends says different things about how they found out, most of which is "they just knew". I can't do that or I'll just be setting myself up for disappointment. Working on my brother and Ty's cross stitch blanket is helping me focus on something other than not getting my period. At work it's definitely easier than at home. Today I actually let myself research baby names and I even wrote a few down I like. I need to stop doing that though.