Taking a Break

So by now, I've calmed down a little and I can write again.  After hearing another "no" on Tuesday I was ready to give up on everything.  I started my period last night and all I kept thinking is I have to call the office and make an appointment for an ultrasound.  We've decided to stop for a little bit, at least until I can get my weight down a little.  I can't handle pumping my body with more hormones right now.  They are making me gain weight and I'm so hormonal I'm crazy.  Plus I'm beginning to miss a lot of work.  I quit Weight Watchers again this morning, so hopefully I'll continue to lose weight myself.  Maybe in a couple of months I'll be ready to try again.  Until then . . . .

The 2 Week Wait Has Ended

This morning at 7:30 I had my beta.  She asked me how I was feeling and I told her my period hadn't started yet which was a good thing.  The nurse said not to count on that though, because I'm on progesterone suppositories which can throw everything out of whack.  I prayed last night and again this morning for a positive result.  I thought I'd know something in 2 hours, but she said probably not until this afternoon.  Even thought the bloodwork comes back in 2 hours, they have to wait for Dr. Trolice to review and sign off on everything first.  Please, Lord, I pray this is it.  I pray this 10 year wait is over and I'm finally pregnant!!

12 Days Post IUI

So, what I did I do first thing this morning while Chad was asleep?  I tested.  BFN.  He was pissed that I did it and I'm disappointed in myself too.  There's no way it will be positive in just 2 days.  I have heard that sometimes the home tests aren't reliable and that blood tests are 100% accurate.  Still no period but my back still aches and I just woke up from a nap.  I haven't felt any pains at all in a while though.  Tomorrow morning I have bloodwork at Dr. Smolen's which will help pass the time.  Maybe all my "symptoms" are just from the progesterone suppositories I've been taking.  I have a lot of praying to do!

11 Days Post IUI

So Tuesday is just around the corner and still no period.  These are my symptoms which could easily be all in my head due to the books I'm reading and posts on the internet:  very tired, lots of yellow cervical mucos, a backache, diarrhea, hungry and I had a few sharp pains on the right side earlier this morning.  I haven't lost hope and I continue to pray to God that I don't start my period.  The cramps I felt last weekend had to be implantation cramps, but I didn't have any spotting.  I'm so excited thinking about telling my family, when the due date will be and hearing the baby's first heartbeat which would only be about 3 weeks from now.  I also have a little voice in my head saying, "It's ok to test, if you're really pregnant, it will be positive."  I've thought about it a few times today, but I just can't.  In some ways, it feels like I'll jinx the whole thing.  Dr. Trolice wouldn't have scheduled me for the pregnancy test on Tuesday if it wasn't soon enough.

8 Days Post IUI

So today is day 8 after the 2nd IUI.  I feel differently, but this could be from the progesterone suppositories.  On Sunday I started cramping, Monday I had a migraine and I've had cramps off and on for a few days.  I'm also tired and have a lower backache.  No blood though, even though I feel like crossing my fingers every time I go to the bathroom.  Tonight is Ash Wednesday service and I'm excited to go.  I feel like I will have peace at church from the endless 2 week wait.  I made a promise to myself and to God that I would not test early and I'm holding to it.  I just made some Weight Watchers chili and corn muffins.  Everything I do to help pass the time makes it easier.

IUI's

Our first IUI was yesterday.  Chad's appointment was at 8 and mine was at 9:30.  Shortly after I dropped Avery off at school I began crying.  It kind of hit me all at once how life-changing this could be if it's successful.  My mom e-mailed me and asked if I would like to wear the charm she wore when she was going through all of this and sent me a few websites to check out.  I kept asking God to grant me the wisdom I needed to make a decision and also to grant me peace.  I was still crying when Dr. Trolice came in to start the procedure.  Chad's already at his appointment and mine is at 9:15 and I'm okay today.  Chad got my Bible out last night and I started reading Psalms but I was so tired from crying that I fell asleep early.  I am at peace with our decision now.  I know that if it's not meant to be I'm going to take some time off and focus on getting my weight down.  I think it would be better for me and the baby (if I was still able to get pregnant).  I think I'm on the right track for once in my life.  It's not about me and what I want now.  I've found my way back to God and things are done in his time.

I Feel Like I'm Queen of the Stirrups

Good thing I brought a book with me for the ultrasound.  I didn't go back until 8:30, even though my appointment was as 7:30.  Fortunately Chad surprised me and walked in just as I was headed back.  As usual, I felt rushed during the appointment.  He couldn't find anything big on the right ovary and only 1 (size 11) on my left.  I had to order one more shot of Bravelle for Friday and schedule another ultrasound for Friday morning.  My lining is on the low side (probably because I just had my period) and my left ovary only produced a size 11 follicle last cycle.  Sounds to me like the injectables aren't working.  I'm beginning to feel like a human pin cushion.  But I continue to trust in God's plan for Chad and I and need to turn to him more.  Amy will call me later with the results of my estrogen blood work.  I pray for some good news.