The Long Road to Pregnancy

Taking a Break

2010-02-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

So by now, I've calmed down a little and I can write again. After hearing another "no" on Tuesday I was ready to give up on everything. I started my period last night and all I kept thinking is I have to call the office and make an appointment for an ultrasound. We've decided to stop for a little bit, at least until I can get my weight down a little. I can't handle pumping my body with more hormones right now. They are making me gain weight and I'm so hormonal I'm crazy. Plus I'm beginning to miss a lot of work. I quit Weight Watchers again this morning, so hopefully I'll continue to lose weight myself. Maybe in a couple of months I'll be ready to try again. Until then . . . .

The 2 Week Wait Has Ended

2010-02-23T05:15:00.000-08:00

This morning at 7:30 I had my beta. She asked me how I was feeling and I told her my period hadn't started yet which was a good thing. The nurse said not to count on that though, because I'm on progesterone suppositories which can throw everything out of whack. I prayed last night and again this morning for a positive result. I thought I'd know something in 2 hours, but she said probably not until this afternoon. Even thought the bloodwork comes back in 2 hours, they have to wait for Dr. Trolice to review and sign off on everything first. Please, Lord, I pray this is it. I pray this 10 year wait is over and I'm finally pregnant!!

12 Days Post IUI

2010-02-21T08:49:00.000-08:00

So, what I did I do first thing this morning while Chad was asleep? I tested. BFN. He was pissed that I did it and I'm disappointed in myself too. There's no way it will be positive in just 2 days. I have heard that sometimes the home tests aren't reliable and that blood tests are 100% accurate. Still no period but my back still aches and I just woke up from a nap. I haven't felt any pains at all in a while though. Tomorrow morning I have bloodwork at Dr. Smolen's which will help pass the time. Maybe all my "symptoms" are just from the progesterone suppositories I've been taking. I have a lot of praying to do!

11 Days Post IUI

2010-02-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

So Tuesday is just around the corner and still no period. These are my symptoms which could easily be all in my head due to the books I'm reading and posts on the internet: very tired, lots of yellow cervical mucos, a backache, diarrhea, hungry and I had a few sharp pains on the right side earlier this morning. I haven't lost hope and I continue to pray to God that I don't start my period. The cramps I felt last weekend had to be implantation cramps, but I didn't have any spotting. I'm so excited thinking about telling my family, when the due date will be and hearing the baby's first heartbeat which would only be about 3 weeks from now. I also have a little voice in my head saying, "It's ok to test, if you're really pregnant, it will be positive." I've thought about it a few times today, but I just can't. In some ways, it feels like I'll jinx the whole thing. Dr. Trolice wouldn't have scheduled me for the pregnancy test on Tuesday if it wasn't soon enough.

8 Days Post IUI

2010-02-17T10:49:00.001-08:00

So today is day 8 after the 2nd IUI. I feel differently, but this could be from the progesterone suppositories. On Sunday I started cramping, Monday I had a migraine and I've had cramps off and on for a few days. I'm also tired and have a lower backache. No blood though, even though I feel like crossing my fingers every time I go to the bathroom. Tonight is Ash Wednesday service and I'm excited to go. I feel like I will have peace at church from the endless 2 week wait. I made a promise to myself and to God that I would not test early and I'm holding to it. I just made some Weight Watchers chili and corn muffins. Everything I do to help pass the time makes it easier.

IUI's

2010-02-09T05:33:00.000-08:00

Our first IUI was yesterday. Chad's appointment was at 8 and mine was at 9:30. Shortly after I dropped Avery off at school I began crying. It kind of hit me all at once how life-changing this could be if it's successful. My mom e-mailed me and asked if I would like to wear the charm she wore when she was going through all of this and sent me a few websites to check out. I kept asking God to grant me the wisdom I needed to make a decision and also to grant me peace. I was still crying when Dr. Trolice came in to start the procedure. Chad's already at his appointment and mine is at 9:15 and I'm okay today. Chad got my Bible out last night and I started reading Psalms but I was so tired from crying that I fell asleep early. I am at peace with our decision now. I know that if it's not meant to be I'm going to take some time off and focus on getting my weight down. I think it would be better for me and the baby (if I was still able to get pregnant). I think I'm on the right track for once in my life. It's not about me and what I want now. I've found my way back to God and things are done in his time.

I Feel Like I'm Queen of the Stirrups

2010-02-03T06:14:00.000-08:00

Good thing I brought a book with me for the ultrasound. I didn't go back until 8:30, even though my appointment was as 7:30. Fortunately Chad surprised me and walked in just as I was headed back. As usual, I felt rushed during the appointment. He couldn't find anything big on the right ovary and only 1 (size 11) on my left. I had to order one more shot of Bravelle for Friday and schedule another ultrasound for Friday morning. My lining is on the low side (probably because I just had my period) and my left ovary only produced a size 11 follicle last cycle. Sounds to me like the injectables aren't working. I'm beginning to feel like a human pin cushion. But I continue to trust in God's plan for Chad and I and need to turn to him more. Amy will call me later with the results of my estrogen blood work. I pray for some good news.

New Year, New Procedures

2010-01-31T17:23:00.000-08:00

Today is day 4 of Clomid 100 mg. Tonight Mom, Ralph and the kids came over for dinner and she gave me my first shot of Bravelle. I was freaking out about it all day and it wasn't that bad after all. I didn't even feel the needle going in, what hurt was the fluid. On Wednesday I have another ultrasound and a bloodtest to check my estrogen level. If the medicine is working then the shots continue, I think. Hopefully I'll ovulate when I'm supposed to because I think he wants to do an IUI too. This is all becoming so confusing!

Mission Ovulation: Positive

2010-01-15T16:29:00.000-08:00

Well, the blood result yesterday came back at 8 something which was positive for ovulation. So even though the follicles weren't big enough I can still ovulate which is good. If I wasn't producing large enough follicles and not ovulating, we'd have even more problems. I have to call Dr. Trolice's office on cycle day 1 to schedule an ultrasound. Then he'll talk to me about the next step. Bring on the period! Wait, did I just say that? Am I crazy? I'd take the worst period, bleeding and cramping and all, if it meant I got pregnant.

No Luck This Cycle

2010-01-12T16:47:00.001-08:00

I had an ultrasound and p-4 done this morning. After 2 rounds of Clomid, the biggest follicle he saw was only 10mm. Basically too small to do anything. My p-4 was inconclusive for ovulation, so I have to go back on Thursday to have my blood drawn again. The next step is either injectables (which aren't covered by insurance) or ovarian drilling. I have mixed feelings about this. The injectables are very expensive and up the risk of twins by 25%. Ovarian drilling is painful, I'll have to go to the hospital and miss work and it doesn't work forever. I've heard it might cause scars on my ovaries and that it will only work on people who are at an ideal body weight. From what I've read online, you can't continue treatments for at least 3 months. Dr. Trolice told Chad and I that even though I got 2 lines on the OPK this morning, it won't do any good to have sex. That, however, isn't stopping Chad from pestering me about it :) I requested some books about infertility from the library today and we are going to start praying about this every night.

Ultrasound

2009-12-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

Dr. Trolice apologized for nothing happening last month. He couldn't find my left ovary during the ultrasound. He found my right ovary no problem and there were lots of follicles on it. My lining went from a 12 down to a 2, probably because I'm on my period. He prescibed Clomid for me again, this time 100 mg as well as an estrogen suppository. I'm supposed to check for ovulation while we are on vacation. Guess how that will work out. Publix wouldn't cover the Clomid so that cost another $45, on top of the $150 I spent last month on presciptions. The HCG shot will cost me $100 in a few weeks. I'm enjoying a nice glass of wine tonight since I deserve it. Might be a while before I can drink again. Still haven't gotten the pillow I ordered on eBay a few weeks ago. Ticks me off.

Awaiting the Ultrasound

2009-12-17T18:20:00.000-08:00

Super nervous about the cycle day 3 ultrasound tomorrow. What will it show? Will I have any follicles? If so, what will be the sizes? If I don't have any, why and will this be a problem? I don't know if Dr. Trolice will up my Clomid or if another round of 50 will do. Guess I'll just have to wait for tomorrow. I hope they run on time since Casey will be there by herself. I mailed out the appeal letter to Medco today since they didn't pay for the HCG shot and the progesterone suppositories. They better change their minds. Don't they know they're dealing with a very hormonal woman!!!

Spotting Continues

2009-12-15T15:53:00.000-08:00

Light pink and brownish. And the wait is killing me! I peed on a stick when I got home, and of course it was negative. Why can't I just wait until Friday for the beta and the ultrasound? I still have some cramping and my boobs are sore too. I felt a pinch and a dull ache on my right side earlier at work. I hope this is it!!

Spotting

2009-12-14T09:03:00.000-08:00

Last night I was exhausted after such a busy weekend. I laid down shortly after putting Avery to bed. I started feeling the dull ache again on my left side. It lasted for awhile this time. This morning I had no appetite, but forced myself to eat anyway. I'm working out of the Winter Park office this morning and my stomach feels a little queasy so I went to the restroom and I'm SPOTTING. So disappointing!! I know I shouldn't expect anything different, but I was really hoping the Clomid and HCG shot would work this time. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that he didn't want me going on an airplane pregnant. I have a lot of people praying for me so I can't give up hope. I know how important this is to Chad, and as much as I'm not looking forward to another round of hormones, I'll do whatever it takes to make this work.

The Weekend to Conceive??

2009-12-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

So was this past weekend the weekend to remember? I sure hope so. We did everything we were supposed to do to make it happen. Sunday night I started the suppositories. They aren't as bad as I expected them to be. When I called the pharmasist this afternoon to ask him what to do if I am pregnant and leaving on this trip in a few weeks, he said he could give me a cooler pack. He didn't think flying and the change in barometric pressure would be a good idea though. I wish I had some of the symptoms. Even just one little thing to set my mind at ease. I am a little tired, but that is one of the side effects of the progesterone. I ordered some Preseed online and I won an auction on EBay for a conceiving pillow just in case. I'm still determined to make this work.

HCG Shot

2009-12-03T16:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went back to see Dr. Trolice after taking the Clomid Dr. Crider prescribed for me. I feel like I need a coach and Dr. Crider's practice is just too busy for that. I wasn't getting anywhere using the OPK's and I've heard that sometimes women ovulate late on it. He was impressed by my blood work Dr. Smolen ordered and could tell that I had lost more weight. He had my blood drawn to check progesterone level and he also did an ultrasound to see if I've ovulated. According to the ultrasound I hadn't ovulated but my lining looked good (12) and he could see both ovaries. He also saw 1 follicle (size 25) which was a little mis-shapen. I got a call from Amy this morning that my progesterone came back at 0.9 which is negative for ovulation. I went in for an HCG shot in the stomach and picked up progesterone suppositories. This will help me ovulate within 36 hours. Chad will be a lucky man for a few days :) Sunday I start the suppositories and then the hard part begins. WAITING. I'm supposed to take a home pregnancy test on December 20th, one day before Chad's 34th birthday. So either way, I'll know something while we're on vacation. What a gift from God that would be on his own birthday, Christmas Day! I continue to research what a follicle size 25 means, what a mis-shaped follicle means, etc and it just freaks me out. From what I've read having only 1 follicle is probably not a good thing, I should have more especially since I just took Clomid. Also, having a follicle size of 25 isn't good because it probably isn't viable, it's more than likely just a cyst. It should be around 18mm. This is all in God's hands, so it really doesn't matter what I read. If this is truly meant to be (this cycle anyway) then it will happen. I have to trust that. At least now my Mom knows, and since she's been through all this before, it helps talking to her about this. I'm so glad I told her too since I felt like I was hiding something from her.

Clomid,Sweet Clomid

2009-11-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

Oh, how I wish it will work!! Started my period on Nov 14th. Cycle day 3 which is tomorrow is when I'll start taking Clomid. I read somewhere that almost 50% of people who take it get pregnant in the first 6 cycles. Now maybe that % doesn't include PCOS'ers or those with diabetes and I doubt all 50% actually stay pregnant and not miscarry, but I'll go with those statistics out of sheer hope anyway. Dr. Crider told me to expect headaches and hot flashes as I take the Clomid, but nothing can be worse than the GI issues I have to deal with on Metformin. We still haven't told very many people what we're doing, but what better Christmas present to my and Chad's family than to tell them I'm expecting. Almost forgot, Dr. Crider wanted me to come in for an ultrasound so he could measure my cysts. Guess I'll call there tomorrow, and hope to get an appointment. We will see . . . . . . . . .

October 22nd

2009-11-02T13:10:00.000-08:00

I had my appointment with Dr. Crider. It was supposed to be a well woman exam but when he saw I was trying to get pregnant, we ended up talking about that instead. He re-ordered all my bloodwork and said he couldn't see any reason why I couldn't get pregnant on my own. If all my bloodwork came back ok, he is going to put me on Clomid. I got a letter in the mail over the weekend that said my bloodwork confirmed PCOS, that my medication was adequate and we would discuss Clomid tomorrow. I've eaten a ton of candy and I know I've gained some weight back, so it will be interesting to find out what my A1C will be and if I will have to start from scratch again with the old "diet and exercise thing" again.

Long Weekend

2009-10-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

So the last time I posted on the 8th, I saw a little pink blood. Well, on Friday morning I started my period. I cancelled my blood test for that morning. Chad didn't understand what was going on and was frustrated and yelling. I wasn't feeling good so he took Avery to school and I fell back asleep until my boss called at 10 and woke me up. I was disappointed and yet relieved because I was tired of obsessing over it. Amy called me back later that afternoon and told me to start using the ovulation prediction kit on cycle day 9 which is this Friday. We will be in Georgia, but it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I haven't eaten well in a while and I've even forgotten to take my medicine a few times. I feel like I'm slipping back to my previous ways again, but I have to remain positive and stay focused. It gets harder for me around this time of the year because of the trips we take, people we visit, and all of the goodies like candy and pumpkin pie. This weekend I know I'll be drinking a lot of wine with Natalie too. Why does my weight issue always have to get in the way of everything!!

More Blood

2009-10-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

I'm still seeing a blood on my panty liner, more than yesterday which really worries me. Yesterday I felt yucky, had no appetite and when I got home I had to lay down. I was tired and then got the chills. This morning I woke up and felt great until lunch. I had baked chicken, roasted potatoes and corn and within 15 minutes I had instant diarrehea. Now I'm hot and hungry again. I can't wait for tomorrow's blood test. If it's positive it will change my life forever. If it's negative I know I will be devasted! This will be a long night of waiting. If anyone out there cares and is reading this, please, please pray for me.

Pink Blood

2009-10-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt right all day today. I chalked it up to lack of sleep since Camilo texted me at 4 am and I couldn't fall asleep after that. This morning when I went to the bathroom and I wiped, I saw pink on the toilet paper. I totally freaked out! I'd read about implantation and how it's normal to see it, as long as it doesn't turn into a full blown period but I called Michelle anyway. She told me that Dr. Trolice agreed with her and that last Friday was just too early too test and to test again either Friday or Monday. I told her what I'd seen and she told me that if I do see more than just pink to call her immediately. Great, just one more thing for me to worry about. I just need to let go and let God. This is all in his hands, so I just have to continue to pray that I'm pregnant and that everything will be okay. Hopefully this is implantation and not a period and that if I am pregnant, the beta will show positive on Friday. I'm getting more and more excited as time goes on. What better birthday gift can I give my Mom in a few weeks than the news she will be a Grandma again!

Last Night

2009-10-06T05:32:00.000-07:00

I have had the backache from HELL the past couple of days. I even tried sleeping with a heating pad last night but it didn't help. I'm scared to take Tylenol so I'm trying to suffer through it as best as I can. I also feel crampy and a little bloated, even though that could be the Sonic corn dog and tater tots I ate last night :) My back hurts so bad I can't even get up to take Bailey for a walk. What in the world is going on? Twice yesterday and once already this morning I've even felt a little twinge of being nauseous. What can this mean?? I really wish Michelle would call me back!

Pregnancy Test Results

2009-10-05T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Michelle scheduled me for 7 a.m. By 7:45 when I hadn't been called back and everyone coming in after me was, I got a little upset. Whatever! She called me back at 10:15 to tell me the results. The beta was negative and my progesterone had doubled from 6 to 12. So, no new news for right now. Since I'm not pregnant I should be starting my period, but my progesterone is increasing, not decreasing. So there is a good chance I still might be pregnant, but it's too soon to tell. She said she would discuss the results with Dr. Trolice and get back to me later.

Monday Morning

2009-10-02T14:24:00.001-07:00

I broke down this afternoon and called Dr. Trolice's office. I know I'm impatient but I need to know something and soon. Michelle said she remembers telling me to take a home test on Sunday, but I told her the first 2 I've taken were negative. She said to come in at 7 am on Monday and they will draw blood. First is to check my progesterone which will determine if I'm going to start my period and the other is a beta which hopefully will come back that I'm pregnant. I get the results back in 2 hours. That will be the most agonizing 2 hours of my life. More devasting that saying I'm not pregnant will be the news that I was and miscarried, although since I know nothing about it, maybe I can't have miscarried so soon? I'm so sleep-deprived from this past week and sick with worry that I'm virtually brain dead and I'm sure Michelle is already sick of hearing from me . Normally a glass of red wine would be nice, but I'm not going to chance anything right now. . . .

Big Fat Negative

2009-10-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

So I tossed and turned all night and didn't even fall asleep until 5 this morning wondering what the test would show. What else could it show but a BIG FAT NEGATIVE! Why do I do this to myself? I get my heart set on something to the point where anything else is so freakin disappointing. Now it will ruin my whole day. Chad still seems to think we need to wait until Sunday/Monday. I think he's wrong. We should know something by now! I'm so over this I don't want to even test anymore.

Still no period

2009-10-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

Yep, hard to believe (not!) considering I only get them about twice a year or so. Not sure what to think. I think we're going to take another home test in the morning to see what it shows. I can't help obsessing over this. It's consuming my thoughts. I did more research today on weight loss and taking Metformin. It seems as if maybe both have contributed more than I thought. Metformin is also safe during pregnancy and is shown to help women with PCOS miscarry less. I cancelled my appointment with Winter Park OB/GYN in November and scheduled one at Loch Haven for October 22nd. They specialize in infertility, PCOS and high risk pregnancies. It's just for a wellness exam, but if I find out I'm pregnant before than, they'll just make it a prenatal visit instead. I also found out from the insurance company that I only have 1 co-pay of $15, and then the rest of my visits are free. How cool is that!! They still won't cover infertility which I think is totally unfair! At least tonight my focus will be on making a pumpkin-shaped cake for my potluck tomorrow.

Stupid, stupid me!

2009-09-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

So against the advice of everyone I've told about this, I decided to take a prenancy test last night. (When I talked to Michelle, Dr. Trolice's nurse she said to wait until either Sunday or Monday.) Chad went in the bathroom with me and I was so nervous after I peed on the stick that I dropped the test in the toilet. I started crying and Chad fished it out for me. It was negative but Chad offered to go to Publix and get another one for me. This time I played it safe and peed in a cup and dipped it in. The result was the same. I had promised Chad that if it was negative I wouldn't be disappointed or upset and I tried to remain positive the rest of the night. Since this back pain started I haven't been able to sleep well and I get up around 2:30 in the morning and can't fall back asleep. I'm hot one minute and freezing the next and no matter which side I lay on I can't get comfortable. Every time I go to the bathroom I pray I see no blood and so far I haven't. I really wish I could say I feel pregnant, but I don't know how that feels or what to compare it to. Each of my friends says different things about how they found out, most of which is "they just knew". I can't do that or I'll just be setting myself up for disappointment. Working on my brother and Ty's cross stitch blanket is helping me focus on something other than not getting my period. At work it's definitely easier than at home. Today I actually let myself research baby names and I even wrote a few down I like. I need to stop doing that though.

I Ovulated (and on my own) !!

2009-09-28T17:29:00.000-07:00

I tossed and turned all night thinking about my blood test this morning. I got up early, ate an English muffin and was there right on time. I was a little nervous because I had to be in the Winter Park office by 8:30 to open and Dr. Trolice always runs late. I got in about 8:05. The nurse was very sweet and said I'd have the results this afternoon. I thought about it all day. I did a Google search on backaches when I got back to the office and everything I read said it was an early pregnancy symptom. Great, just what I needed to hear! About 3:30 I called Dr. Trolice's office to get the results. Just then Chuck and a customer walked in so I couldn't really talk. The nurse told me I'd ovulated! I almost fell off my chair. I've never ovulated before. She asked me if anything had changed recently and I told her I've lost weight and I take Metformin. She said even a little weight loss will fix fertility problems. How encouraging!! I couldn't really ask "what next" but she said either I'm pregnant or I'm getting ready to start. I can take a home pregnancy test by the end of this week if I want to. But I feel like I'm going to start my period. I have cramps and my back is still killing me. Can it really be that God wants me to be a Mom again so soon after traveling this infertility road?? It's so hard to think positive and pray and hope I'm pregnant, only to start my period and be disappointed again. I feel like screaming to the world my news, and yet we are keeping this from family for awhile.

Chad's Test

2009-09-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

Good news and bad news. He has PLENTY of sperm, it's just the shapes that are a little weird. Dr. Trolice recommended that he take folic acid and Vitamin D, which he already does but also a multivitamin, which he doesn't. This news isn't any different than we heard 2 years ago, but nonetheless, it makes it much more apparent to me that it isn't going to get any better with age. I still haven't gotten my period which is disappointing since I've had 2 in 2 months, but I scheduled an appointment for Monday morning to have blood work done. I guess what they are looking for is to see if I've ovulated (I don't understand why they keep testing me for this if I don't). If I haven't, Dr. Trolice will put me on Provera to start my period. Then Clomid? Not sure. I'm still working on my diet and I feel like I've lost some more weight this week. No matter what happens, I still need to remain focused on this. My health is of the essence if I want to get pregnant and stay pregnant. My cholesterol is still high and if I got pregnant now, my doctor said I'd need insulin which is NOT GOOD. Chad and I close on the house tomorrow morning and then are taking the rest of the day off, so maybe I'll be a little less stressed out. I continue to pray that God wants us to add another child to our family.

Where Do I Begin?

2009-09-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

I'm 30 years old, I have PCOS and all of it's wonderful symptoms. I'm overweight, hairy, I have diabetes and I can't ovulate on my own. Sounds shitty, right? It is! I've had numerous tests done including endometrial biopsies and HSG's. Everything comes back okay. I've tried Clomid years ago and gave up on that. I'd all but given up on the idea of conceiving until a few weeks ago when my Mom brought up the fact that she'd like more grandchildren and Chad said he'd like to start trying again. So we talked it over about trying one last time. He still thinks deep down inside that we have a shot at this, and who am I to crush his dreams. So we made a trip back to Dr. Trolice together on Sept 9th. I was very nervous about the appointment because in previous visits all I'd ever heard was that I needed to lose weight first. Who wants to be told that? Dr. Trolice was impressed that I had lost weight and had had 2 periods ( in July and August). He recommended a few things. One, that I start taking prenatal vitamins, two, that Chad comes in for a semen analysis and finally he wants to see my bloodwork from Dr. Smolen's office. He ordered bloodwork for me to do on cycle day 21-24 to see if I've ovulated. Well, that answer was a no-brainer, still a little disappointing. Today I dropped off the results of the bloodwork Dr. Smolen had ordered a few days ago. What he wanted to see was an A1C of less than 6.5 (mine was 6.3) and a fasting glucose of 90-100 (mine was 99). It feels like I will start my period soon and I'm praying I do. If I do start, I need to call his office on day 1 or 2 to schedule an ultrasound. It's been so long since I've had one done, I'm not sure what he looks for, but I'll probably start Clomid again.